My family sent me some old pictures of my grandmother and I together, and the new ones from when I wasn't there. There was one picture I treasured though, that for some reason I enjoyed looking at, so I spent the past few weeks looking for it. Still haven't found it, but I did mention it to my family back home just in case it might have been left behind.
The picture was of toddler-me and my grandmother standing together on the grass, with a yellow plastic sunflower in the foreground.
Still the pictures I got were enough to bring fond memories, and beat myself up for not being there while she was still alive. I thought I was ready to pack it all up, but I guess I'm not when I'm opening up old boxes looking for just one particular picture.
*picture is originally from http://www.thebeautifulist.com/
03/21/2014 (Friday)- Still Missing You
I found myself running through the same old ground—day in, day out—looking for complicated answers to simple questions, never finding any satisfaction.
You told me once, not to laugh too much that it only invited tears, and I laughed. Realizing now what you meant, I laughed at this too-late sorrowful epiphany. Alone.
You told me once that blue skies were for us to find each other, but it hurts to look with red eyes even with a cool breeze.
I looked for pictures of us together, opening taped-boxes filled with old fears.
Wish you were here.