Not sure if I should even be writing in this state of mind, but I have a lot of catching up to do in this project. I was at work Thursday evening talking about my plans for a month long vacation to go back home and see family, especially my paternal grandmother who I haven't seen in over four years and makes the best Adobo I've ever eaten.
7:15 p.m. I got a call from my cousin telling me that she died. I'm still processing it. I walked around the hospital doing rounds numb, waiting for tears or even anger. 7:10 p.m. I was excited about a trip home, five minutes later I'm not sure what to do, or even say, or maybe even pray.
Four years I received messages from Momsie (what we called our grandmother) through family asking "When are you coming home to visit me?" and always making an excuse of not enough time and money.
Time and money. What a sorry excuse.
*picture is originally from http://www.earth-photography.com/Countries/France/Nice_subgallery/France_Riviera_Nice_Watcher.html
02/24/2014 (Monday)- Too Late for Goodbyes
They told me while I was at work. The phones stopped ringing. The clock’s hands stopped moving. My heart stopped beating.
I didn’t know how to react. I waited for the tears but my heart had become stone, I waited for a scream but my throat had closed its doors.
Waited for pain, for anger, for this nightmare to be over.
I wish this was just a dream.
Four years apart.
Four years asking: When are you coming home to visit me?
“When I can. I promise.”
Now it’s too late.
Now the tears, the screams, and the pain appear.